


Judgement

by No_Hugs_Peach



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drunk Writing, Gen, Itachi could've been immortal, Snippet, Third Hokage deserves blame, crackfic, no beta we die like Itachi, sass queens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Hugs_Peach/pseuds/No_Hugs_Peach
Summary: Meeting your heroes was never a good idea, meeting your brother's heroes was worse.Or, I have wine while re-reading Naruto and decide to post my first AO3 fic :)
Relationships: Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama, Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Judgement

Itachi was the best, that was the fact that Sasuke carried with him throughout his first years of life. No one could beat his big brother at anything. Who else could make chuunin at 6? Make Anbu by 13? Only his brother. Watching his idol destroy their family hadn't killed that thought, the only way to beat the best was to find perfection. To build strength behind every hit so that it couldn't be blocked, couldn't be dodged, and couldn't be countered.

Now, having destroyed Danzo, watching his brother lock Kabuto in his own mind; Sasuke was reminded why Itachi was always the best. Sometimes you needed a finer tool than a hammer. He even figured out the true weakness of the Edo Tensei with ease. Sasuke refocused, with Itachi here (and staying for a while) he could work on his next goal. Getting true answers.

* * *

Children. They were all children. That was his key thought as he listened to the "Strongest Shinobi in the Village" tease each other and catch up on current events. If anyone had asked him what he expected of the Four Hokage in front him, he wouldn't have anything resembling this. Instead of stern countenances, they were teasing each other. Instead of confidence to their bones, the First Hokage was prone to depression at any censure. Instead of wisdom of experience, the Second Hokage was suspicious of everyone. The Third Hokage, well Sasuke remembered him as the one who knew Orochimaru was preying up chuunin candidates and did nothing. The Fourth Hokage was much closer to Sasuke's expectations. The man was confident, a peacemaker, and casually powerful. But dear god, the man wore nothing but yellow.

Even after they answered his questions he was struck by how young they all seemed. Never looking past their children's generation. Itachi was worth more than all of them put together. The Third Hokage had been right about that; Itachi would've been a wonderful Hokage.

  
"So wait, you became a full shinobi when?" He asked, gaze flitting between the First and Second Hokage. Their bodies matched what he grew up seeing on the mountain, surely they were supposed to be older. Didn't the First Hokage know his grandkids? Is this why the Fifth Hokage looked nothing like her age?  
"Uh, what was I? Five? By the time I met Madara we had both racked up quite the body count." The First Hokage mused, while his brother looked to be counting on his fingers. "That's why we created the village! So other shinobi wouldn't go through that! They could enjoy their childhoods."  
Sasuke cocked his head to look at the Third Hokage, "You promoted Itachi to chuunin at 6! What happened to childhood?"  
"We were finishing a war. We lost many good shinobi in that conflict."  
"Yeah, like Shisui's best friend." Itachi muttered, crossing his arms.  
"I thought you were Shisui's best friend?" Sasuke thought back to his youth, Itachi hung out with Shisui - not the tag along shadow that he had been. "I distinctly remember you going everywhere together. Or are you saying that because the war machine ate Shisui's best friend, it then consumed his next best friend?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay, we'll come back to that." He wasn't sure when, but they'd cover that. "I just want to be clear: First Hokage wanted peace, Second Hokage wanted to fortify the peace, Third Hokage kinda wiffed it, and Fourth Hokage died before doing anything useful."  
"I was useful! I think." The Fourth interrupted, his earnest face reminding Sasuke of another blonde, "My son didn't unleash the Kyuubi, so I think a good call was made."  
The Third Hokage carefully averted his eyes from the blonde, Sasuke was intrigued. What could the Third be hiding from the Fourth?  
"Okay, Fourth Hokage may've been useful before dying to protect the village from the Kyuubi. So then the Third Hokage came out of retirement instead of immediately naming a Fifth." Sasuke continued. "Continuing his reign of handing off the worst parts of the job."  
"I thought Tsuna-chan was the Fifth?" The First interjected.  
"The council thought it better to have Sarutobi come out of retirement rather than name a new one. After sealing the three of you away, they acknowledged the need for a Fifth Hokage. Jiraya turned down the position, so they accepted Tsunade-hime as a substitute." Orochimaru supplied, "And Minato, you obviously have not had a chance to discuss how your son was raised."  
"He was supposed to be raised by the village." The blonde, Minato, said, "Or Jiraya, we named him godfather. Hell, even Tsunade would've been a good choice for Naruto. She knows the weirdness of being an Uzumaki."  
Sasuke blinked rapidly in confusion, his brain not accepting the input. That is why he blurted, "The loud orphan everyone hated was your son?"  
"Everyone what?" Sasuke understood then the fear that one blonde shinobi could instill into the hearts of enemies. He was grateful it was not directed at him.

* * *

"I know I treated every clan with suspicion, but at least I kept them in the village." Tobirama grumbled after listening to his student's reasons for most recent jinchuuruki's treatment. "You managed to lose not just the Uchiha, but also the Uzumaki. Are the Hyuuga still around or did they leave as well?"  
"They're still around, although their main and branch families have a lot of issues. Not helped when Kumo tried to kidnap the heiress and then demanded the clan leader's body." Itachi replied.  
"I'm sorry, they kidnapped an heiress and then demanded what?" Tobirama's finger twitched again, before he clenched his upper arm again.  
"She never left the compound, Hiashi killed him. No way was Hiashi leaving a five-year-old unprotected. They actually encourage a childhood, I mean it's super repressed but it's there." Itachi elaborated, "But then there was threat of war, and we had just finished that. The Third Hokage met with them to discuss solutions."  
"You sacrificed the head of the Hyuuga clan? What about their Byakugan?!"  
"Hiashi had a twin brother, he volunteered to take his brother's place to maintain the peace." The Third Hokage said.  
"Peace between the villages, but it really fucked up his son's perspective. Or were you not listening when Naruto vowed to beat understanding into Neji? I was in the medical ward and heard about that. Or did you miss the part where three different sensei's stepped in to stop Neji from killing his cousin? Sakura wouldn't shut up about that."  
"Well, they have harmony now."  
"You say that with a lot of confidence for a guy who died shortly after Naruto beat understanding into Neji." Itachi interjected, placing a hand on Itachi's shoulder. "I know he's been successful in the past, but I am glad I've given up on that plan."  
"Your plan was to have Naruto beat understanding into me?" Sasuke couldn't believe his brother, at this point he was way stronger than Naruto. He'd be beating sense into Naruto, not the other way around.  
"It was Plan B." Itachi's tone was earnest reassurance, but Sasuke couldn't bite back a retort.  
"Leaving it to Naruto to beat understanding into people is a terrible plan. Aside from the fact that he can only be in so many places at once, it is literally teaching him terrible ways to show that he cares. Next thing you know he'll be wanting to punch everyone."  
"He's been wanting to punch everyone since he was a kid. Why do you think I made sure he had enough paint to graffiti the mountain?"  
"He graffitied the mountain?" The echoing of the other Hokage was jarring, Sasuke was glad very few people were seeing this side of the idols.  
"His mom would be so proud!"  
"Okay, art is not a substitute for human interaction. Naruto, and I actually, were both left in compounds by ourselves that were meant to house entire clans." Sasuke shook his head, "Bigger picture, Itachi was a child when you promoted him, I don't care what war was going on."  
"Sasuke-kun, that was standard at the time. That's why Kakashi was your sensei, he made jounin at 13. If it weren't for wartime promotions he wouldn't be the sensei you know."  
"You mean he might be punctual?"  
"Kakashi's not punctual? You could set a watch by him when he was on my team. Actually, scratch that. I should've gotten him a shrink." The Fourth Hokage fidgeted with his sleeve.  
"You were Kakashi's sensei?"  
"Not just Kakashi, your cousin Obito was also on my team."  
"I don't have a cousin Obito."  
"He died before Itachi was born. During the war. The day that Kakashi was leading his first jounin mission." The Fourth rubbed the back of his neck, "Obito was always stopping to help elders on his way, there were actually a few D-rank missions he basically missed because he was helping some granny with her groceries."

* * *

Finally they were on the move, after listening to Hashirama explain the history of Konoha he had made his decision. But trying to get the Hokage moving was like herding cats. He understood with perfect clarity why Kabuto used kunai tags to suppress the personalities of so many of the revived. Chaos was a mild term. But they were off to the battlefield now, Tobirama's sensing their guide. And wasn't that weird? After all that, the Second Hokage had insisted Sasuke use his full name. The First had offered a nickname, but there was already a Tobi on the battlefield.  
Suigetsu crashing to ground as Karin appeared out of nowhere was unexpected to say the least. Especially since it sounded like she was still mad about the whole stabbing-through-her-to-get-to-Danzo part of his plan. He should apologize, he knew that. He was very sorry that she was attacking Suigetsu. But right now he needed to get everyone on the move, then he could needle Itachi about meeting his idols. The collection of idiots who had guided the village.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy the crackfic. I may come back and flesh it out. Like show more of what's going on. If I do I'll also update the notes.


End file.
